Merry Christmas from Amedeah, Great Father Winter, and Lumpy (the new companion pet of Winter Veil 2011)!
Saturday, December 17, 2011
Wednesday, December 14, 2011
BPD and meeeeee *sigh*
This girl right here needs to make some serious changes... and soon. Once our new insurance kicks in, I'm going to find someone that can help me this BPD (Borderline Personality Disorder) bull crap. I'm tired of it taking over my life sometimes and I'm not myself a lot of the time... that needs to end. I'm tired of hurting people, pushing people away, and all the other stuff that comes with it. Sometimes it takes a while for me to admit that I need help... but I need help with this. I can't do it alone.
I make a conscious effort to be better... and in some ways I am. I'm a LOT better than I used to be about a lot of different things. But some stuff I just really need help with. I'm just really tired of the ups and downs and the extremes. There is no in between for me most of the time. I'm either really REALLY happy... or I'm so depressed I just want to hide or mangle people. There's no happy medium for people with BPD 90% of the time. It's black or white. No grey.
I'm not really sure why I decided to blog about this, I'm not even going into that much detail. It was just something that I had been thinking about the last couple of days. I think it's because I see things changing. I see lots of things changing around me. And I think I wanted to blog about it because I want other people to hold me accountable. I want people I'm close to knowing that I want to change... maybe they can help... maybe they can give me a few gentle shoves along the way to keep me going. Not really a cry for help... but maybe a cry for motivation and support.
I'm not trying to be all, "woe is me"... I'm trying to be all, "Hey, this is why I'm a bitch sometimes with no explanation/cause... but please forgive me... I'm working on it." I know I'm not the easiest person to be around and I know I don't exactly scream, "Healthy and sane," but at least I'm not slack-assing around and making excuses. It's MY problem and I'M trying to get help. Things take time to change. Me getting this far has been years in the making.
I try my best to make up for my fuck ups. And when I love, I love with a serious and fierce passion... I will do ANYTHING for the people I love. I know I'm a good person. I know I'm pretty effing awesome. I know that once you get to know me and get past my bad days, I'm a person that's worth knowing... I'm a person that's worth it.
I make a conscious effort to be better... and in some ways I am. I'm a LOT better than I used to be about a lot of different things. But some stuff I just really need help with. I'm just really tired of the ups and downs and the extremes. There is no in between for me most of the time. I'm either really REALLY happy... or I'm so depressed I just want to hide or mangle people. There's no happy medium for people with BPD 90% of the time. It's black or white. No grey.
I'm not really sure why I decided to blog about this, I'm not even going into that much detail. It was just something that I had been thinking about the last couple of days. I think it's because I see things changing. I see lots of things changing around me. And I think I wanted to blog about it because I want other people to hold me accountable. I want people I'm close to knowing that I want to change... maybe they can help... maybe they can give me a few gentle shoves along the way to keep me going. Not really a cry for help... but maybe a cry for motivation and support.
I'm not trying to be all, "woe is me"... I'm trying to be all, "Hey, this is why I'm a bitch sometimes with no explanation/cause... but please forgive me... I'm working on it." I know I'm not the easiest person to be around and I know I don't exactly scream, "Healthy and sane," but at least I'm not slack-assing around and making excuses. It's MY problem and I'M trying to get help. Things take time to change. Me getting this far has been years in the making.
I try my best to make up for my fuck ups. And when I love, I love with a serious and fierce passion... I will do ANYTHING for the people I love. I know I'm a good person. I know I'm pretty effing awesome. I know that once you get to know me and get past my bad days, I'm a person that's worth knowing... I'm a person that's worth it.
Sunday, December 11, 2011
My WoW UI
I like to keep it minimal. xPearl, TauntMaster and BaudBag, and TitanPanel are what you're seeing here. I do have other addons, but they're not ones that get shown often or it's only periodic flashes like with Deadly Boss Mods.
Wednesday, November 2, 2011
First semester of college almost over!
I've only got about 5 weeks of school left which means I'm almost done with my first semester of college! I can't believe I'm almost done! Some days it feels like the time has flown by. Other days it feels like this semester will never end >.< With homework, classes, social life and add in family and person life... I've been SO busy and have barely had any free time (one of the main reasons you've been neglected poor Bloggy Blog).
Other than school, lots of different things have been going on. The relationship with the girl has been going really well, bought two new scooters for the hubby and me, went to a Halloween party, hung out with some great people, making plans to go new places and do new things... all very exciting :)
I'm actually sitting in my Life/Career Planning class right now, so I don't have very long to be typing away at your pages, dear Bloggy Blog. But hopefully, I'll get another chance (soon!) to grace your pages with my ramblings and less than witty banter :p I do miss putting the neat things I find from around the internet on here, though. Maybe I should play "catch up." ;)
Other than school, lots of different things have been going on. The relationship with the girl has been going really well, bought two new scooters for the hubby and me, went to a Halloween party, hung out with some great people, making plans to go new places and do new things... all very exciting :)
I'm actually sitting in my Life/Career Planning class right now, so I don't have very long to be typing away at your pages, dear Bloggy Blog. But hopefully, I'll get another chance (soon!) to grace your pages with my ramblings and less than witty banter :p I do miss putting the neat things I find from around the internet on here, though. Maybe I should play "catch up." ;)
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